Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
common crow vs atomic bomb
art, art, art
art is a verb. How about some arting?
I've been arting most of the evenings, night after night, sleepy, but yet not able to go to sleep before something comes out. Today, I quickly painted a crow and thought what the crow would be "against". Crow versus....
The atomic bomb was orange on the photograph, against blue sky. Why is it that atomic bomb comes to my mind after a regular, uneventful day with no big wars anywhere very near
Thursday, February 14, 2008
my new obsession
my new-old obsession. The same mountain that I have looked at so many times, sought out, took detours, went for hikes just to look at it from the distance....
this time the mountain is on my table, in oil, repeated, repeated, repeated, loved with every brushstroke...
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
two crows, one over NJ Turnpike
crow at the beginning of a journey; just getting over NJ Turnpike painted last night, then turned into a digital compilation.
At first, I was going to juxtapose the painting over a cemetery. But no, too simple. The idea of NJ. Turnpike sign must have come out of my obsession with NYC - pictures "before and after", all that has changed in the last few years. There's a cemetery everywhere, one way or another, in a sense, to start with, or to end.
here is the original painting: 
Monday, January 21, 2008
accidentally deleted my website
I accidentally deleted my website - I was trying to upload an experimental site in a subfolder and forgot to change the settings. So, my old, orange striped homepage is gone and a temporary announcement "site under reconstruction" is on. The painting is something I did yesterday. It's called "lucidity".
Making Tarot - first card
first card after a break. For years, I was working on my set of images, my own tarot cards, but then I started slowing down and put my attention into other projects. No, I didn't abandon my tarot, rather, a certain amount of images was there, produced, digested, let's say, used up, their role fulfilled.
Now it's time to start working on my tarot again. Lately I've been feeling such a wonderful surplus of creative energy. I paint almost every day. Every moment I can take away from everyday mundaneness, I spend creating.
A R said that this painting is like Tower in original Tarot. Things falling apart. Creative energy is trying to come through, but first, there needs to be destruction.
To me, the painting is more about falling apart of expectations, pre-conditioned beliefs and personal myths. Here is the peacock, symbol of lavish, aristocratic lawns. A little girl from modest background wants to get into a manor, a mansion or a palace, wants to become a part of the glamour and own her own peacock.
But at some point, things fall apart. The peacock is an old screechy chicken with long, colorful, but shabby tail. Its heart is tender and vulnerable, because the peacocks are not what we think - not just glamour and stretched out shiny tails, not just pride and beautiful blue color, also longing and love and heartbreak. The peacock's heart breaks and the little people fall out. One of them the little poor girl who thought she was supposed to get rich and own a mansion with a lawn and a peacock.
Everything will need to change, regroup, get re-defined. There's freedom in loosing childish dreams, disconnecting from illusions and expectations.
I found this quote from Doris Lessing,British author;
"And then, not expecting it, you become middle-aged and anonymous. No one notices you. You achieve a wonderful freedom."
Saturday, January 19, 2008
other - eating me up
tormented. something has been eating me up. I can shut the feeling down, not pay attention, but then it comes back. ringing in my ear, sleeplessness. quality of life. poverty.
the amount of art surrounding me in my room. I want more, and at the same time, the existing amount overwhelms me. more? how?
escape the monster.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
to blog or not to blog
To blog or not to blog.
I've been doing quite a bit of art lately, combination of hand-drawn and digital images, very satisfying. Introverted. Obscure.
I guess the answer is to blog. Occasionally, trickle a little bit through small crack in the door, air out the closet.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
peacock in his chest
He told me that he had heartburn for a few days, then he went to see a naturopathic doctor. The heartburn didn't go away. A week or so later he went to get a chest x-ray. Inside his chest there was a huge shadow, a growth, as it later turned out, a lymphoma. Now he gets chemotherapy, hopes for the best, reaches out to his friends, and worries, how much, how long and how painful.
When he was talking, I imagined the chest x-ray and the shadow. The shadow turned into a bird, a white peacock. When I started painting, the bird was white at first, then it started getting its colors. Later the flames showed up and the green at the end. Branches of a tree?
Whoever reads it, please send a good thought out to R and all others with shadows in their chests.
Painting used to be for me a form of meditation. Transportation into the place where my immune system could relax and start enjoying its living. Now, years later, I still carry the irrational thought that the changes in my life that happened at that time, switching from fast pace into staring into canvas an painting, has healed me, or at least, pulled me out of the worst trouble.
This painting for R felt like exactly the same - the same process, like an altered state, the amazing state of creating something that has a secret meaning. I guess that most who happen to take a look at this painting wouldn't care for it much. A R doesn't like it at all!. But for me, the process was great and I now love the painting. To me, it has the feeling of completion that not all paintings have.
As I was painting, I kept thinking about my dear friend, a good humored prankster, a nurturing cook who now has to to suffer so much... I was often close to tears when I painted. In the other, irrational world, I was on a secret journey looking for a secret medicine, trying to save my friend...
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